5 New Year’s Goals for Parents of College Freshmen
College parents do really have the short-end of the deal. You help pay for college tuition, listen to phone calls filled with crying, and watch your little girl grow up into an adult. Few parents jump up and down at the sound of these realities.
But with a new year here your freshman may be making goals for the upcoming semester. Improving her grades, getting to bed earlier, eating breakfast, etc.—these are all goals of which your freshman has to take ownership. But as a college parent, should you be making some goals too?
You are still adjusting to this new stage with your freshman. You may feel like you’re constantly messing up or struggling to know how to help. Your efforts are not in vain! By making these 5 New Year’s goals, you can help your freshman improve in her second semester.
5 New Year’s Goals for Parents of College Freshmen
1. Listen more.
You have much wisdom to share with your struggling 18-year-old. After all, you most likely were in college yourself not that long ago. You also are a parent, and you will do anything possible to help your child succeed.
Your motives are completely understandable and applaudable. However, sometimes the best way to help your struggling freshman is to listen. This can be a painful process. How can you possibly listen without commenting or inserting some wise tidbit?
Believe it or not, your listening is exactly what your freshman needs. Because in reality, she knows what to do. Your freshman knows she needs to take action, but until she’s ready to do so she’ll keep mulling over her problems.
So, this new year make it your goal to listen. Listen to your child’s struggles, concerns, conflicts, and conundrums. Refrain from making comments or offering advice. Simply listen. Watching your freshman fail over and over can be painful and frustrating, but your listening shows that you care and support her.
2. Ask less questions about grades.
Asking questions is a great way to get your freshman to think. Sometimes your freshman jumps to panic mode rather than first considering her options. Your asking questions helps her to step back and deal with her problems like an adult.
Sometimes, however, asking questions can be problematic, depending on what questions you ask. Basing your questions on topics like grades (for example) is generally not a good idea. Focus instead on the learning process—”how are you enjoying your classes?”
Focusing on learning rather than grades is a great way to focus your freshman on things that matter—developing skills and knowledge in a specific area. Your freshman is in college after all to get an education, grow as a person, and develop valuable skills that will build a career.
So, this new year make it your goal to ask questions but not about grades. Show personal interest in your freshman’s learning experience. Encourage her to concentrate less on letter grades and more on crafting her career. After all her value as a person is not tied to her GPA but her character.
3. Ask before giving advice.
Listening is incredibly important, but sometimes advice is necessary too. You want to caution your freshman, helping her avoid the pitfalls you fell into as a college student. You want to prevent hurt, loss, etc., but your advice may fall on deaf ears if it’s not timed correctly.
Why? Even though your freshman clearly doesn’t have it “all together,” she may resist any counsel you offer. Your comments may be incredibly insightful and helpful, but if she’s not ready to hear it she won’t listen.
Rather than forcefully giving suggestions or sharing a personal anecdote, try asking if you can offer advice first. As you may have experienced before, asking first does wonders.
First, it gives your freshman a chance to have input. Your child can be honest and tell you she’s not ready to hear it. Second, it saves you from frustration. The eye rolling, the sighing, etc.—avoid them all by giving your child an out. Third, it helps you look considerate. Asking first helps your freshman see you realize her decisions are hers, not yours. You also are able to communicate you care for her and will not steamroll over her desires.
So, this new year make it your goal to ask before giving advice. Your freshman may be more willing to hear what you have to say. She will see that you have carefully considered your statements and will not force your opinions on her.
4. Plan to encourage.
Your freshman gets discouraged like anybody else. Last semester, you may have received multiple calls filled with panic, despair, or tears. Being home these last few weeks has been such a wonderful break from the pressures of college life.
But as second semester approaches, your freshman may have mixed feelings. While she enjoys the sense of routine, she dreads being alone and doing mountains of homework. The taking down of Christmas decorations, your returning to work, and siblings returning to school only remind her that college is just days away.
Your freshman’s not sure she’s ready to go back. College was so hard, and she’s afraid of making the same mistakes. What’s to keep her from having the same experience? How will she survive another semester?
Plan now to encourage your freshman. Purchase gift cards, stock her up with favorite snacks, offer to pay to get her car washed, etc. No matter how small, each thoughtful action goes a long way when you are in college. Hand-written notes, texts, or voicemails wishing her a happy Monday can make all the difference.
So, this new year make it your goal to plan to encourage. Your thoughtfulness can make even the rainiest Monday a little brighter. But sending notes or care packages take some preparation, so plan now to send little reminders of your love throughout the second semester.
5. Let go more.
You’ve noticed already that your freshman has grown up some. She’s less dependent. Your child wants to spread her wings. She doesn’t like you dictating her schedule or time. She’s not the same kid anymore.
As a parent, seeing your child gain independence is bitter-sweet. On one hand you are so proud to see her grow up, but on the other hand you still want her to be your little girl. Unfortunately, letting go doesn’t always get easier second semester.
Intentionally make an effort to let go of your freshman. If you struggled to do so first semester, you know now that your reminders or phone calls did not make it any easier for your child. If anything, your freshman struggled with homesickness and loneliness for longer.
So, this new year make it your goal to let go more. Call every other day instead of every day. Keep your phone calls to 15 minutes or less. Don’t give your freshman the answers to her problems, instead ask questions. The more you let go, the more you allow your freshman to grow into an adult.
First semester was maybe more challenging for you than for your freshman. Watching her struggle was agonizing at times, but you’ve learned that she can do it. This new year make these goals: listening more, asking less about grades, asking before giving advice, planning to encourage, and letting go more.
