5 Ways to Invest in Your College Freshman

While your college freshman is undergoing many changes, you are too. You are experiencing a change in your role in your child’s life. You no longer have to transport your child to classes or remind your child of an upcoming paper. Your child is at college.

You may feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. In one moment you’re feeling excitement, and in another, apprehension. Whatever your feelings, you know your child has gone to college and will probably not come back the same. How can you still keep that connection with your college freshman? Let me suggest 5 ways you can invest in your college freshman’s life.

5 Ways to Invest in Your College Freshman

1. Recognize your investment in your freshman’s life.

You have invested 18 years in your college freshman, and your child has been accepted into a college. Your goal as a parent has been to help your child function independently, and you’ve done it. Whether you feel like it or not, you are a success!

You’re proud of your freshman. But it’s hard to let go. Your life has been constantly involved in most decisions facing your child. And now you may be wondering if you did and said the right things. Will your child be a success?

Put those anxious thoughts aside and know that you have done your part. You’ve laid the foundation for your child’s future success.

2. Accept your new role.

Up to this point, you have been functioning like a coach to your college freshman. You’ve corrected, encouraged, motivated and inspired when needed. But now your role is changing.

Your role now is to encourage, trust and empower your child to become a success at college. Your child is independent. You will be tempted to step in and fight battles for your freshman. Don’t. Learning to deal with conflict, consequences, responsibility, etc. is important for your child.

When you grew up, you may have felt like you needed more supervision or guidance. But your child is not growing up with your parents. You are the parent. By continuing to manage the details or issues in your college freshman’s life, you are actually communicating that your child is not able, skilled or worthy of your trust.

This tendency to jump in when you should let your child blossom is called overparenting. Overparenting can produce devastating results. It can create a privileged mentality in your college freshman’s mind. A privileged mentality sees no need for personal accountability.

Overparenting can also result in a college freshman feeling suffocated and invisible. Instead of feeling loved and supported, your child may feel unable to get help with issues deeper than grades.

Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and a teacher and columnist for The New York Times says that “children of controlling and directive parents are much less able to deal with intellectual and physical challenges than peers who benefit from parents who stand back and allow their children to try, and fail, and try again.”

In other words, letting your children fail helps them develop resilience.

3. Invest your new-found time.

In the past, you made great personal sacrifices in order to invest in your college freshman’s life. But now you find yourself with extra time. You may feel guilty for using this time on yourself. Don’t.

Enjoy your lighter load. Remember you’re not a bad parent if you’re not involved in every single detail of your college freshman’s life. This actually means you are a good parent. You are giving your child the space needed to develop into a successful adult. Your child needs this opportunity to grow.

4. Give advice when asked.

Your child is developing an identity apart from the family. This process is made easier, however, when you have a healthy connection with your child. So what’s the balance? You don’t want to overparent but you don’t want to “underparent” either.

Unfortunately, no perfect guide exists. The general principle is be available to discuss the issues but don’t solve your child’s problem. Listen, ask questions and then listen again.

Be sure to avoid giving advice from your own personal experiences. College has changed since you were there. Your experiences are not your child’s experiences. Your advice may fall on deaf ears if your college freshman doesn’t want to hear it.

By waiting to be asked, you will find your child is more willing to receive and apply your advice.

5. Show your freshman you care.

Actions speak louder than words. Saying you care is important and necessary. But your actions need to show you care too.

When at college your freshman may feel forgotten. While everything is changing in your freshman’s life, your child expects everything to stay the same at home. But it won’t.

Sending reminders of your care will help your child feel connected. Photographs from home, gift cards to your child’s favorite restaurant or care packages show you are thinking about your freshman.

Another way to keep your freshman in the loop is by communicating major changes. If a grandparent develops a serious illness, a friend makes a notable achievement or a sibling moves into your freshman’s bedroom, tell your child. Don’t make your freshman feel replaced, left out or neglected.

When discussing academics, focus less on grade letters and more on the learning process. Your freshman needs to take ownership and responsibility for course grades. But your child probably won’t do this if you are constantly monitoring every grade. Instead, focus the conversation on the skills and passions your freshman is discovering and developing.

Your college freshman is still adjusting, and you are too. You don’t want to be a helicopter parent. But you also don’t want to be MIA. Recognize the past investments you’ve made, accept your role change, invest your new-found time, give advice when asked and show you care. You can still be a part of your college freshman’s life. It just looks slightly different now.