3 Reasons Your College Freshman Loves Celebrating the Holidays
Even though your freshman is newly independent, she loves celebrating the holidays. Being in college does not change the fact that the holidays are a special time. Your freshman misses the comforts of home and family.
In fact, the holidays may have more meaning now than they ever did in your freshman’s childhood. Because of being away, your child appreciates the time together in a new way. Your freshman may not even realize this yet, but she appreciates the holidays for these 3 specific reasons.
3 Reasons Your Freshman Loves Celebrating the Holidays
1. The holidays remind your freshman of the good old days.
Even though your college freshman has only been gone for 3 months, this time away has been filled with brand new experiences. The privileges and responsibilities of adulthood can be overwhelming even in the first semester of college. While your freshman wants to be treated like an adult, dealing with all of the pressures can be overwhelming and exhausting.
The pressures your 18-year-old child experiences are small in comparison with your daily pressures, but she only has a freshman-level experience with adulthood. Your child enjoys the freedom to make decisions but desires some relief from the stress of adulthood.
Because your child is a quasi-adult, coming home can be difficult. Your freshman probably wants to retain the freedoms of childhood while maintaining her newfound independence. Real life unfortunately isn’t like that though. You can’t pick and chose the responsibilities you like and don’t like.
The reality is that coming home means your freshman will have to relinquish control over her schedule. Balancing between college and home life is incredibly difficult and sometimes awkward at first. This transition though prepares your freshman for life after college, when she will come and go over the holidays. While your freshman may expect everything to be the same, things and people have changed since she left. Because while she was changing, so were you.
The holidays are a time full of traditions—getting the Christmas tree, baking Christmas cookies, watching Elf, etc.—and your freshman does truly enjoy these activities. These traditions remind your freshman of the “good old days” when her life was much easier and less stressful.
So, how can you help your freshman experience the good old days this holiday season? Don’t forget about the traditions! Whether you sing carols to neighbors, have an ugly sweater contest or have snowball fights on Christmas day, be sure to repeat the traditions. This helps give your freshman a sense of stability. Even if everything else in her life is changing, home is still home.
2. The holidays help your freshman still feel a part of the family.
Even if you regularly talk to your freshman on the phone, she probably feels slightly disconnected with what’s going on at home. Your child is starting to transition to an autonomous state but still wants to feel a part of the family.
While she may insist on time alone and with friends, she does truly miss being part of family life. Your freshman misses the good, the bad, and the ugly happenings in your house. While she may not like being asked a plethora of questions by you, she probably will ask many questions. Being patient with this double-standard can be difficult. However listening well and answering questions will help your freshman stay connected to the family and hopefully open up about first semester.
Being updated on family changes makes your freshman still feel a part of the family. Being able to have input in family decisions also helps your freshman feel connected. Since being at college, she may feel like she now has more influence and authority when decision-making occurs.
Your freshman does want to be included in family activities as a family member. However, she also wants to be treated with more respect. After all, she’s not a kid anymore and may feel like a brand new person. In your eyes, she’s still your elementary school child missing her front teeth, but she feels much older and wiser. She may feel entitled to express her thoughts and be heard, even when those thoughts are ridiculous.
When your freshman is trying to take control of situations (to the frustration of everyone else), try to be understanding. She feels like an authority over younger siblings now, because she’s figured out many things by herself. While she is well-intentioned, she may be overbearing in her comments.
For example, your freshman returns from college to two younger siblings. Your freshman wants to give them life advice, but they do not want to hear it. They just roll their eyes and keep on doing whatever they were doing. Your freshman gets upset and an argument explodes. While your freshman isn’t their parent, she may have some good advice to give. However, she may not understand that her advice may not be wanted or respected in this situation.
Conflict with you may arise as well. You know she’s made some poor decisions at college. You may feel like these decisions reflect poorly on you and your family’s reputation. Correcting without humiliating or shaming is important and will be better received by your freshman. A one-on-one session will go over much better than a scolding in front of younger siblings.
So, how can you help your freshman be a part of the family this holiday season? Don’t forget to update your freshman! If life has changed, share those changes. Also let your freshman be a part of decisions and changes. Even if she’s at college, she wants to be included in family decisions and changes.
3. The holidays provide activity over winter break.
College was full of constant activity. Academics, work, social life and extracurriculars filled your freshman’s schedule. Now that she is home, she will want to catch up on sleep, eat good food and spend time with family and friends.
For the first week or so, she will probably want watch Netflix, sleep until noon or later and eat lots of food. After a stressful time with so much change, this is perfectly normal and to be expected. But after a few weeks, your freshman may become restless. Being bored at college is horrible, but being bored at home is even worse.
Cramming the family schedule full of required activities is probably a recipe for a breakdown of some sort, but planning occasional family activities gives your freshman something to anticipate. Seeing a Christmas light display downtown, ice-skating or watching a movie on the weekend helps winter break be less monotonous.
Going from crazy busy activities to nothing is difficult even as a parent, so being conscious of your freshman’s boredom can be helpful. Try to include her in activities she enjoys. Giving occasional, extra responsibilities like running errands or transporting people will keep her from complete boredom.
Side note: In my personal experience, the holiday times were times that I struggled. Because of moving around frequently in my childhood, I did not have friends who lived close. So, I tended to struggle with boredom and loneliness. Even though this time of year is incredibly busy as a parent, keeping the lines of communication open can make a big difference. Your freshman may have struggles which need to be expressed, but if you look too busy or preoccupied your freshman will probably keep those struggles to herself. Being aware and being available to listen provides opportunity for her to approach you.
Your freshman may also want to spend time with friends over the holidays. If the friends live close by, this may be no big deal to you. If, however, the friends live hours away, you may be hurt by your freshman wanting to leave town. Don’t be.
Keep in mind that your freshman is probably pretty bored. Wanting to visit friends out of town isn’t a sign of your freshman’s hatred. Instead your freshman is probably bored and missing all of the social interaction she constantly got at college.
So, how can you help provide your freshman activities during this holiday season? Don’t forget to include your freshman! You certainly don’t need to babysit her, but you can give her some extra tasks she enjoys. You can also allow her to spend time with friends. Going from constant activity to no activity is difficult even after just one semester of college.
Your college freshman does truly love the holidays. Coming home to family traditions and presents can be so enjoyable. Remember that these times will become even more scarce, because you will not be able to spend every holiday season together in the future. When you can be together, the holidays can be precious to both you and your college freshman.
