7 Questions First-Time College Roommates Ask
Your roommate did that thing again. Ugh. You hate it when he or she does that, but are you being too picky or demanding? Should you say something?
Living with a college roommate for the first time probably fills your mind with questions about what is and isn’t normal and what you should and shouldn’t expect. Before giving up or operating on the trial-and-error method, read below to discover the answers to these seven questions first time college roommates have!
Should I wake up my wake up my roommate?
Does this dilemma sound familiar? You know your roommate has an early class, but his or her alarm keeps beeping. Since you are ready and about to head to class yourself, should you nudge your roommate awake so he or she can make it to class on time?
If you’ve never lived with a college roommate, this may be a struggle for you. You want to be a good roommate, but you’re not sure if your roommate will like you waking him or her up. Some roommates intentionally sleep in until the last minute possible, hitting snooze many times. Other roommates sleep so soundly, they hardly realize they’ve hit snooze over and over.
While following the golden rule is generally a good idea when it comes to your college roommate, sometimes treating your roommate the way you wanted to be treated can cause problems. Your roommate likely has different tastes, preferences, and habits than you, so you cannot always base your actions based on what you would like.
Unless your roommate asks you to wake him or her up, you should not. Even if your roommate asks you to wake him or her, you should not make a promise to do this every day. You can occasionally try to help, but you are not your roommate’s alarm clock or parent.
Should I hang out with my friends in my dorm room?
If you’ve never had a roommate before, this may not be a question you’ve considered. Why wouldn’t you hang out with your friends in your dorm room? Consider how you would feel if your roommate spent time in your room without asking you first. Maybe this situation wouldn’t bother you the first few times, but later you might find it slightly annoying.
Each roommate is unique. Some roommates are not bothered by you spending time with friends in the room. A second type of roommates will say they are not bothered by you spending time with friends in the room but are actually bothered. A third type of roommates are bothered by you and your friends spending time in the room but will not directly tell you. And a fourth type of roommates are bothered by you and your friends in the room and will tell you in front of your friends.
Because you are still in the process of making college friends, consider discussing this situation with your roommate. Directly ask your roommate what he or she prefers, and do your best to respect his or her preferences.
Before inviting friends over, be aware of your roommate’s daily schedule. If your roommate likes to study in the dorm room each evening, respect this by keeping the room quiet during this time. If your roommate likes to sleep in late on certain days, do not meet friends for breakfast at your room. If your roommate likes to go to bed early on certain days, do not talk loudly on the phone or outside your dorm room door to your friends or family. Be respectful of your roommate, and hopefully he or she will treat you with respect back.
How much should I hang out with my roommate?
Repeat after me: my roommate is not my best friend. Although you can become good friends with your college roommate, this is not typical. In fact, most college students are more acquaintances than friends with their college roommates.
In the first few weeks of college, you may feel very lonely and homesick. You miss the comforts of home and being with people you know and who know you. You just want to do something familiar or spend time with someone familiar. As a result, you may spend more time with your roommate than necessary. If your roommate is also a freshman, this may not bother him or her. But if your roommate is not a freshman, this will most likely bother him or her, because your roommates has his or her own friend group.
Keep in mind that just because you live together does not mean you need to eat meals, exercise, and get ready for the day together. There’s certainly nothing wrong with doing any of these things with your roommate, but you don’t have to do any of these things together. It is not an unofficial rule you must follow.
Give you and your roommate space to be your own people. Don’t put pressure on you and your roommate to be best friends. Let the roommate relationship grow and develop as it will, but keep in mind that you are different people who just happen to live in the same dorm room. Your roommate is nothing more and nothing less than simply a roommate.
Should I borrow my roommate’s things?
You really need a jacket, but yours needs to be washed. Your roommate has an extra jacket that would work well with your outfit, but he or she is already gone for classes. Do you borrow the jacket just for the morning and return it later today? This question seems like it has an easy answer, right?
If you think you should just borrow the jacket for the day, read this paragraph. You should never borrow anything from your roommate that he or she has not given you permission to borrow. Even if your roommate pretends he or she is fine with you borrowing stuff without asking, your roommate is probably at least slightly annoyed. If you continually borrow without asking, you and your roommate will likely have conflict all throughout your time living together.
You shouldn’t borrow things without first asking your roommate. However, if your roommate said you could borrow certain belongings (e.g., dishes), don’t ask him or her every time you borrow them. Always clean items after you use them, unless you are told not to clean them.
Should I eat my roommate’s food?
When you’re incredibly hungry, but you don’t have time to grab breakfast, is it fine to take one of your roommate’s granola bars before running to class? It’s only a granola bar.
Food is in it’s own category, meaning for many people taking food is a big deal. Your roommate may be fine with you occasionally mooching off his or her food supply, but repeatedly taking food items is anything but fine.
Be sure you have discussions about borrowing food. Don’t act based on assumptions, and don’t assume that your roommate knows how you feel about your food supply. This seemingly small issue can become big very quickly, so ask before borrowing and be honest when you’re bothered by your roommate borrowing food.
Should I give my roommate advice?
Sometimes your roommate is going to vent to you. Whether it’s drama about a romantic relationship, a family relationship, or a friendship, you might get more details than you wanted to know on a regular basis. Depending on your personality, you might feel like you’re put in an awkward situation. Should you offer advice or not?
Sometimes your roommate merely needs someone with whom he or she can talk about personal problems. Whether you like it or not, you get to be that person. Initially, you might like being your roommate’s go-to person, but as time gets on you may struggle to listen and sympathize.
If your roommate just needs to let off some steam, do your best to listen only. Your roommate likely doesn’t want you to find a solution or fix the problem, he or she just wants to talk. Resist the urge to let your mind wonder or say what you would do. Simply listen, and if you can’t do this anymore simply avoid going to your room during these times or avoid answering his or her texts until hours later.
If you think your roommate may be looking for some advice, ask your roommate if he or she would like advice. If your roommate responds positively to this, go ahead and share your advice but kindly. Sometimes your roommate may actually ask you, “what would you do in this situation?” If so, you have an open invitation to share your opinion.
Remember your advice is merely advice. If your roommate refuses to accept it or follow through with it, it doesn’t mean that he or she doesn’t trust you or dislike you. You gave your advice, but your roommate doesn’t have to take it.
Should I clean up after my roommate?
Where are my clean-freaks out there? You may struggle living day-in and day-out with a messy roommate. Maybe your roommate doesn’t wash his or her clothes often enough. Maybe your roommate shower schedule seems sketchy at best. Maybe your roommate likes using the soak-method when it comes to cleaning dirty dishes. Whatever the case, you don’t know what to do.
Cleaning up for your roommate may seem easier than actually confronting your roommate about his or her lack of cleanliness. But this well-meaning gesture may actually cause some tension. Your roommate may interpret your cleaning as a passive-aggressive way of saying, “you’re a slob,” or your roommate may start expecting you to always clean up after him or her, labeling you as the cleaning person in the room. Either way, you’re getting a bad label.
Initiating a conversation about cleanliness is awkward but is almost always the best route to take. Always be kind but direct too. If you’re struggling with what to say and how to say it, consider asking your RA for advice on how to approach this conversation. Your RA likely knows you and your roommate and has had to have these kinds of conversations before.
Living with a college roommate for the first time comes with challenges. These seven questions may have been keeping you up at night, but hopefully you feel like you have the answers you need to live with your first college roommate. You can make your first college roommate situation be a good one!
