Communicate Your Expectations
As your college freshman begins the school year, you may find yourself feeling frustrated. She doesn’t call home as much as you would like. He is getting lower grades than he did in high school. She spends too much time socializing and not enough time studying. You are trying to let him learn but are afraid he is making expensive mistakes.
You may find yourself struggling with conflicting feelings. You want your child to “fly the coop” but also keep in constant contact. Whatever your expectations, you need to communicate them to your college freshman. These 4 areas require clear communication from you to your college freshman.
1. Communication
How much do you want her to communicate with you? Do you want him to call daily? Do you expect a weekly text from her? How much detail should these conversations include? What particular topics do you want to discuss?
Listing these specifics may seem odd. But discussing what communication you expect from him is important. Work with your college freshman to schedule specific times to call. Respect her time. Treat him like the adult you want him to be. And in turn you will eliminate unnecessary tension and build mutual respect.
2. Grades
You probably are keenly aware of this, but college courses are typically much more difficult than high school courses. The classes are much more time-consuming, demanding and challenging. As a result, your child who received straight A’s in high school will most likely not earn straight A’s in college. And that's ok.
Set realistic goals for you college freshman and communicate these to her. Remember all of the adjustments he is currently experiencing. Be understanding if her grades are average or below average. Try to have encouraging but realistic conversations about his grades. Ask questions, listen carefully and offer advice. Help her plan to do better on the next test.
3. Finances
Your child probably struggles to understand many financial facts. If you’re paying for her school bills, communicate what items she is responsible for funding. If he is paying for his tuition, communicate what other areas you are willing to help with monthly.
Communicate what options she has if the "what if" scenarios occur. What if he is out of money by October? What if she needs to take out a loan? What if his car dies? What if she can't afford to come home for Thanksgiving?
These possible situations can be extremely stressful to a person who has just recently discovered his cost of living. While giving her responsibility over her finances can be healthy, she'll probably need some parental guidance.
4. College life
College is only for a short time. It comes and goes just like that. Encourage your college freshman to take advantage of all the opportunities available to him. But also be aware that she has new-found freedom and responsibility.
With this new freedom comes new choices. Should he join a school sports league? Should she join a sorority? Should he attend parties at his friend's house off-campus? Should she seriously date during her freshman year? Clearly communicate what you expect his college life to include or exclude.
Your role as a parent is not to control every detail of your freshman's life. You are a guide, helping her learn to make wise decisions for herself. If you fail to communicate what you expect, you will find yourself feeling frustrated on a regular basis. Avoid frustration by clearly communicating your expectations.
