5 Signs Your Freshman Shouldn't Return for Second Semester
How do college parents know if their children are ready for college? You sent your freshman off to college in late August or early September, but after a rough first semester you are starting to question this decision. Should your freshman return for second semester?
If you are paying for your freshman’s tuition, you do not want to spend more money than necessary on college. So, how do you know if your freshman should stay out for a semester? Read through the 5 signs that your freshman should not return to college and assess whether they sound like your child.
5 Signs Your Freshman Shouldn’t Return to College Second Semester
1. If your freshman earns bad grades and shows indifference.
First semester was a time of transition. Everything was new and different. Not only did your college freshman have to adjust to tougher academics, but he also had to adjust to new social settings. All of these changes combined make earning good grades even more difficult.
Getting lower grades in college than in high school is completely normal for a college freshman. At some point though, your child should begin to see what worked and what didn’t work. By the end of first semester, your freshman should start developing some good study habits.
Some students, however, choose the route of not caring about grades. Whether this is insecurity or immaturity, earning bad grades and showing no remorse is not a good sign. At this point, your freshman should care about and strive for earning good grades.
If your freshman is indifferent, try to discover the root of this issue. Maybe this is a form of rebellion, because you didn’t allow him to go to his college of choice. Maybe his indifference is due to a personal issue like a learning disability. Recognizing the root of the issue can help you assess whether your freshman should return to college. Sit down with your freshman and ask questions like these:
What was the most challenging part about college academics for you?
What was the most challenging part about college life for you?
Why do you think you struggled to do well academically?
How did you typically study during the week?
What did you do after getting a bad grade?
Did you study with friends or by yourself?
Where did you study?
In addition to asking questions, talking to his dorm staff or academic advisor can also be helpful. Your freshman may readily share information with others before talking to you. Faculty and staff may also have insight into whether your freshman is academically ready for college.
If your freshman’s grades were too low, his college likely denied him reenrollment for second semester. Still contact his professors and academic advisor. They will be able to assess his abilities and preparedness for college academics.
So, if your freshman earned horrible even failing grades and still seems indifferent, your freshman may need to stay out until he is ready to take his academics seriously.
2. If your freshman demonstrates wrong conduct and shows no concern.
Getting sucked into the wrong crowd will definitely influence your freshman’s conduct. Your freshman probably just wanted to fit in and, as a result, consumed alcohol or drugs. Although he never planned to get into any real trouble, his seemingly innocent behavior soon turned into something more serious.
Regularly participating in questionable behavior is not a good sign. While the rules at the college may be strict, you know that the future is filled with plenty of unreasonable rules. Abiding by student conduct policies is just a part of college, and in the future your freshman will have to abide by his work’s policies too.
Many students argue that you only have to obey the rules with which you agree. Unfortunately this isn’t the reality. Because adhering to all the rules requires personal sacrifice, some students just follow the rules they agree with or like. At times, this lack of self-control can lead to unpleasant consequences.
If your freshman fails to amend his ways even after being caught multiple times, this is not a good sign. While some students may feel guilty after getting caught, others still won’t see what was the big deal. This misconduct may continue to escalate until a suspension or an expulsion occurs.
So, if your freshman shows no remorse even after getting caught, your freshman may need to withdraw from college until his personal behavior is under control.
3. If your freshman continually blames others for his personal failures.
While others may not be completely blameless, your freshman needs to own up to his failures. Taking personal responsibility is important. As an adult, you know that owning up to your mistakes is just a part of life.
However, some freshmen would rather blame a peer or a professor before taking the blame. Avoiding personal responsibility may seem to lessen the consequences, but in reality it only delays the inevitable. If your freshman makes foolish choices, he will experience the resulting consequences.
Constant blame-shifting is a self-destructive pattern, because it fails to deal with the real problem—self. Your freshman needs to face his own failures and shortcomings, and he needs to deal with them head on.
As a parent, you may have to read in between the lines. Your freshman’s first-hand accounts are probably slightly biased and sometimes inaccurate. If a serious situation arises, be sure to hear additional accounts from other sources. This will help you see a fuller picture of what truly occurred.
Also be sure to take into account your freshman’s past. If he tended to twist stories, he probably continues to struggle with distorting the facts. His own view may not be as accurate as even he thinks.
So, if your freshman habitually blames others for his own personal failures, he may need to spend some time away from college to grow up before returning for another semester.
4. If your freshman takes no initiative to improve.
Changing oneself is difficult task. You know this firsthand. Once you’ve formed bad habits, altering your behavior is a long and difficult process. Your freshman is young and inexperienced with adulthood, so he may be under the allusion that adults just have it together. Unfortunately being an adult doesn’t make personal improvement any easier.
If your freshman has formed bad habits or continues to make poor choices, he needs to put in some effort to change. Failing to see his need to change is a sign that he is not connecting the dots: only he can change his behavior.
Continual procrastination, blame-shifting and general laziness are all indicators that your freshman may be failing to take action. If he wants a different result, he must do something about it. Unfortunately as a parent, there is very little you can do other than letting him fail.
Yes, this is painful to watch, because you want to step in and help. Your assistance though will only continue your freshman’s current behavior. Only when your freshman is truly miserable will he take action. But until then, he will continue to experience the frustrating consequences of his bad habits and poor choices.
As an example, your freshman constantly complains about lonely he is. His social life is miserable and maybe even nonexistent. You hate hearing about how lonely he is and continually try to encourage him. However, at the end of the day he will only start taking initiate when he wants to do so. In other words, when he is tired of being miserable and constantly alone, he will take action. Then and only then will he change his behavior, but his coming to this point may take a long time.
You cannot rescue him from his misery. Your freshman has to be his own hero. This sometimes painful process will teach your freshman far more if you allow him to figure it out for himself. While this may sound heartless or insensitive, it will truly help him adjust to college life and adulthood.
So, if your freshman fails to take initiative or action to improve, this may be a sign that he needs to stay out of college until he is willing to change his habits and behaviors.
5. If your freshman does not enjoy any of his classes.
Coming to college without a major is fairly common, and many colleges do not allow students to declare a major until after they complete a few semesters. During first semester your freshman, your freshman primarily took prerequisite courses for a bachelor’s degree—like English or speech. If after finishing these courses he is continually frustrated with and finds no enjoyment in his classes, this is not a good sign.
While it may take him at least a few semesters to decide his major, this lack of direction may indicate he needs some time. Taking some time off can help provide your freshman some perspective. Your freshman can earn money doing many things, but that does not mean he should major in just anything.
Over winter break, encourage your freshman to write down a list of areas he enjoys and then write down a list of skills he currently has. Then take this list and walk through it with him. Be sure to ask questions rather than pointing him in a direction. Your freshman needs to own his studies.
Another helpful tip is shadowing. Winter break, especially early January, can be a good time for your freshman to witness what certain majors are like in real life. Try to use your personal contacts to get him plugged into several different areas.
For example, if your freshman is considering health science as a major, encourage him to shadow a physical therapist. You will probably have to help him get connected with a local practice, because he will most likely be clueless as to how to do this. Shadowing may help to recognize if this area is a possible major.
While this can be time-consuming, it can also be incredibly helpful and prevent constant major changes. Seeing first-hand what it’s like to be a nurse or a teacher can eliminate or solidify major options, so it is entirely worth your time.
If after making lists and shadowing your freshman still feels completely lost, this may be an indicator that he is not ready for college. Before withdrawing him from college, have him contact his academic advisor. His advisor may be able to assist him with helpful resources, like career aptitude tests.
If after much discussion with the advisor your freshman still lacks any direction, consider withdrawing from college. Rather than wasting money on a degree heading nowhere, encourage him to get a job locally until he has more direction.
So, if your freshman continues to be frustrated by and find no enjoyment in his classes, consider his withdrawing from college for at least a semester.
Do most or all of these 5 signs sound like your freshman? If so, seriously discuss the topic of returning for second semester with your freshman. In reality, your freshman may just need some time to think or grow until deciding on a college degree. Help your freshman succeed by finding the right fit for him.
