You’re counting down the days until Thanksgiving break, and so is your college freshman. You cannot wait for the text, call, or knock you’ll hear on the front door in a matter of days. While you’re rushing to prepare your freshman’s room for her return, you might forget to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for your freshman’s return home.

Your freshman’s return home may not be exactly what you expect, because she’s changed. She’s not the same person, and this break may be the first time she realizes how much she’s changed.

I distinctly remember this feeling as a freshman. So much had changed in my life, but when I arrived home, I had a hard time even expressing this change. Sharing exactly what had happened throughout the semester seemed pointless.

How could I sum up such a life-transforming experience? Did it even matter? Did my parents really want to hear all the details? Probably not, they just wanted to know I was happy and healthy.

As a parent, you may want to know all these little details, but depending on what kind of relationship you have with your freshman this may not happen naturally. Prepare yourself for some slightly irregular, quirky, and downright awkward behavior from your freshman. She may isolate herself, be quieter than normal, or be elusive, but this change from her norm may just be a sign that she needs time to adjust.

This semester has likely been a life-transforming experience for her, and processing all this change may take time. So what are some possible reasons your freshman feels awkward now that she’s back at home? Here are a few possibilities:

Possibility #1: Your freshman has adjusted college life.

Life at college is different. In fact, it might be more different than you or your freshman anticipated. Adjusting to college classes, the college schedule, and dorm life has taken months. Even now, your freshman may have just gotten used to the pace of college. and she finds herself back at home again.

This is disorienting for a young, impressionable adult. Reconciling who she was with who she is becoming and who she wants to be is so much to process. Your freshman likely struggles to know how to express this change in her life.

The only thing she’s sure of is that home feels less like home than it used to. She feels less part of it than she used to while also missing many parts of life before college. Making sense of these changes and feelings may cause her some inner conflict.

Possibility #2: Your freshman has learned independence.

Before college, you may have taken care of many of the day-to-day tasks like laundry. At college, your freshman has had to learn how to plan meals, prioritize health, balance a busy academic schedule, and work part-time.

Coming back home, she feels like she’s a new, more independent person. Your freshman may even feel more like a peer than a child. While this thinking is probably slightly premature, the reality is that she has entered adulthood and has started to gain the responsibilities associated with the label of “adult.”

Coming back home, she may find your rules constraining. She is used to having fairly unlimited freedom. Your freshman may struggle tremendously with your “outdated” views or your “strict” rules, because she’s had a taste of life on her own.

Possibility #3: Your freshman has gained a new perspective.

Life looks different from the other side. Living outside of your home and surrounded by peers from different cultures, religious backgrounds, and political viewpoints—your freshman is starting to see a bigger picture.

No longer is right and wrong or good and bad determined by mom or dad. Her morals, her ethics, and her beliefs are being challenged. This semester, she is seeing how others live and find meaning and purpose. Being exposed to different frameworks is causing her to try to make sense of her past, her present, and where she would like to be in the future. 

Coming home to the framework she was raised with may be more than challenging for her. In fact, it may be downright difficult. This search for meaning and understanding about her own identity is normal for this stage of life, not necessarily a sign that she is trying to buck your authority or opinions. Your freshman is searching.

In no way are these 3 reasons the only possible explanations for your freshman’s awkwardness. Hopefully, more than anything, this post will help you as you try to make sense of your freshman’s awkwardness.

This break really can be a wonderful time for you and your family, but be aware that below the surface your freshman is doing a lot of sense-making. She is trying to understand who she is and who she wants to be, and this process can be more than awkward for both you and her.