How is your freshman progressing? You may have concerns like…

• You’re not sure how much sleeping or studying is happening.

• You have suspicions about your freshman’s balance of school to social life.

• You’re not sure your freshman is actually attending classes.

How can you help? What you choose not to do, parent, may make all the difference. Discover 7 habits that can hinder your freshman’s progress!

Asking about grades

You want to ensure your freshman is actually doing schoolwork. You want to know that they are putting in the work needed for college academics. However, due to FERPA laws, you legally cannot ask advisors or the college itself about your child’s grades. This puts you in a spot where you might feel like you need to ask about grades.

In reality, your freshman’s main concern should not be grades, although grades should be a concern. Your freshman’s main concern should be learning. If you have concern about your child’s grades, start by asking about what they are learning. Your freshman’s answer will quickly reveal how much school is actually happening in their daily schedule.

Pressuring them to date or not to date

Don’t date; do date. You can easily provide some pressure to your freshman to one or the other. After all, what other time of life will your child be surrounded by so many peers their own age. Right? 

For whatever side of the dating spectrum you advocate, keep in mind your freshman is from a different generation. Dating works differently. In some ways, students your child’s age view labeling a relationship much more seriously than generations in the past. In other ways, students your child’s age may not take relationships as seriously as you think they should.

Proceed with caution, parent, as leaning to one extreme or the other can result in extreme reactions from your freshman. Consider the temperament and maturity level of your child, and encourage smart choices that will protect them from unsafe situations.

Having unsaid expectations

Your child is young and immature. They don’t often catch onto “unsaid” rules or expectations. As a result, you may think your child is willfully defying your expectations. In reality, your freshman may be clueless.

Expecting something you haven’t clearly communicated easily occurs. When you find yourself repeatedly frustrated, stop and consider if you’ve communicated this expectation. Does your freshman know very clearly this is what you’ve asked? If you’re unsure, consider communicating more clearly or explicitly.

Intervening on their behalf

Your child’s teacher seems to grade unfairly. Your child’s roommate seems to lack common courtesy. Your child’s advisor does not seem to be helping as much as you think they should. Whatever the situation, you do not think something or someone is acting in a way you would prefer.

If your child’s safety is at risk, contact the appropriate staff member at your school. If your child safety is not at risk, pause before sending an email or making a call. Stop and think:

• What am I communicating to my child if I step in on their behalf?

• Am I demonstrating that I don’t think my child is capable of taking care of their problems?

• Am I removing an important learning opportunity for them that will prepare them for dealing with future employers?

If you desire your child to function successfully post-college, please allow them the opportunity to learn how to deal with perceived unfairness or unkindness during their college years.

Offering reminders

Your freshman may be forgetful. Your freshman may continually miss important deadlines. While you may be tempted to send a reminder through a text or call to wake up your repeatedly late freshman, keep reading.

While your aim may be to prevent painful consequences or failure, you may actually be harming your relationship with your freshman and crippling them in the future. Instead, allow them to fall and fail so that they can learn these important lessons before the consequences get significantly bigger.

Bragging about them on social media

Bragging about your freshman on social media may come from a motive of showing support for your freshman and gratitude for their hard work. However, what can occur instead is that your freshman views this praise as insincere and forced.

Instead of posting celebratory posts on social media for small achievements, consider communicating specific praise of hard work, not results. Praising the process and not the product is more likely to communicate what you desire to communicate to your freshman. Additionally, praising the process helps to encourage hard work in the future.

Monitoring their health

Similar to grades, asking questions about health can come across as nagging and produce the opposite result you desire. Your freshman is forming habits now about how they will function as an adult.

Rather than urging your freshman to get more sleep and to eat meals more consistently, consider taking a step back. Ask about their stress levels or their work-life balance. Then let them connect the dots that their health directly corresponds with these areas of life.

If your desire is for growth, maturing, and academic success, work to eliminate these 7 bad habits. Work to encourage autonomy and self-discipline rather than pressuring your freshman to act wisely. Your freshman is a young adult and needs to learn adult skills while they still have the excuse of being young.