5 Things Your College Freshman Wishes You Knew About the End of Second Semester
Though your college freshman is unlikely to say “I wish my mom/dad knew__________,” that doesn’t mean they’re not thinking it. This time of the school year is full of stress, little sleep, and sometimes high levels of drama.
Your freshman probably feels like they’re barely functional. Anything extra added to their plate may tip the scales in an unmanageable direction. They may not even know how to express how they’re feeling or know how to ask for help at the end of this semester.
So what are some things your freshman wish you knew? And how can you help in this time of stress? Here are 5 things your freshman wish you knew about the end of the semester!
Your freshman’s motivation levels are at an all time low.
Your freshman “doesn’t care” anymore. In reality, they probably still do care, but they’re motivation is extremely low. This year has been stressful, their classes are at their highest level of demand, and your freshman is exhausted.
How can you help your unmotivated freshman?
Acknowledge their struggles as legitimate. While your freshman may be expressing themself dramatically, telling them to “get over it,” “buckle up,” or a tamer wording of these comments isn’t likely to help motivate them. (These comments are more likely to come across as dismissive or corrective.) Instead, consider simply admitting their situation is filled with legitimate challenges. What may be challenging to your freshman likely isn’t challenging to you right now but would’ve been challenging when you were 18 years old.
Encourage taking control of their situation. None of us has full control over our situations, but we can work to control our responses to stressful situations. Your freshman may be overwhelmed or discouraged (likely the real cause of their lack of motivation), and they can take actions to lessen their stress.
Send encouraging notes. A text each Monday morning until the very end of the semester might be the encouragement your freshman needs. A small care package with study snacks might give your child a needed boost of energy. These small gestures can be a big support in this stressful part of the school year.
Your freshman’s grades may be different than you expected.
College has been harder than your freshman expected. The college classes themselves probably aren’t the hardest part, but rather all of college life combined has been deeply challenging to your freshman.
While your freshman may have earned high grades in high school, their college grade reports will likely look different. How can you help?
Talk less about grades and more about learning. This is one of the most helpful things you can do for your child. While grades do matter to some extent, grades matter much less than learning. In and out of the classroom, your freshman is learning life skills that they wouldn’t learn without struggling or failing.
Refuse to offer ultimatums. Your child isn’t really a child anymore. They are a young adult. If you want your freshman to behave like an adult, consider removing threats like “if you don’t raise your grades to ___, then we’re going to take away your phone.” These comments are more likely to communicate a lack of trust and belief in your freshman. (They also communicate you’re taking ownership for your child’s college grades.)
Adjust your expectations. College is harder than high school, but it’s hard to remember that when college was a long time ago. Your child likely won’t perform at the same level. That’s okay. Your freshman is growing in ways a letter grade could never accurately capture.
Your freshman has mixed feelings about coming home.
“Home” has come to mean something different in the past several months. Dorm life has proved to have unique and harder-than-expected challenges. Living away from home has also been a mixed bag filled with freedoms not experienced at home and responsibilities not expected at home.
Your freshman is probably mostly excited about coming home, but they also know that there will be some adjustment to living at home again (more on this later). So how can you help?
Express excitement about their return home. A simple “I can’t wait for you to come home” or “we’ve missed you and can’t wait to see you” can go a long way. Knowing someone is excitedly anticipating their arrival with no ulterior motive (e.g. someone to help with house projects or chores) can help to calm anxious feelings about returning home.
Make fun plans for the future. A small celebration like a family outing or trip can give your freshman something to look forward to after a long semester. This also helps to mark the end of the semester with a celebration of their accomplishments.
Help them count down the days. I was an unusual student in that I didn’t typically like counting down days. (To me, it made the days drag by.) In hindsight, I think that counting down the days would’ve helped me keep finals week in perspective and relieved some stress too.
Your freshman’s summer plans are gnawing at the back of their mind.
Summers can either be some of the hardest times or best times of your college years. Your freshman’s plans may have come to fruition exactly how they would’ve liked, or maybe their plans completely flopped. Whatever the case, your freshman’s summer plans are likely adding to the stress of the end of the semester.
How can you help relieve some of the stress? Here are some suggestions…
Be willing to listen. Listening is difficult when you know exactly how to deal with the situation. Working to simply listen without offering advice or stepping in and taking over is one of the best things you can do to help a freshman worried about the future details of their summer.
Be available to talk. You can’t always be available to talk, but you can set aside times to be available to talk. Your freshman will appreciate having someone to talk through their plans with.
Be willing to offer a helping hand. Letting your freshman try to figure out summer plans is important, but occasionally offering a helping hand can be a tremendous relief to an overwhelmed freshman who is new to adulthood. But be warned, your help may not be accepted or appreciated. While it is difficult not to take this rejection of help personally, know that your freshman likely is trying to exert some needed independence (and this likely has little to do with what they feel about you).
Your freshman knows things will be different this summer.
Summer between college years is uncharted territory for a college freshman. Being home for breaks has taught your freshman living at home won’t be the same as it was in high school, but they’re probably not sure how different things will be this summer.
Adjusting to living at home again, being around the people they used to be close to in high school, and interacting with siblings and parents on a regular basis will likely be challenging. Even if your freshman isn’t fully aware of how different they are now, this transition will not be without its bumps.
So how can you help your freshman?
Consider changes you can make to help them. If your freshman is the first child to attend college, you likely haven’t had to face this dilemma before. Your freshman will be expecting a similar level of freedom as they had at college. Think about house rules you can adapt to better fit an older, more independent member of your house.
Eliminate points of tension with siblings. If another child stayed in your freshman’s room while they were gone at college, transition that child back into their previous living situation with enough time to adjust back. If other children are used to stricter rules, consider sitting down with them and explaining the altered expectations for the freshman who soon will return home. Give some time for other family members to adjust back to the new normal before your freshman has to come back and also adjust.
Ask your freshman how they feel about the summer at home. This seems obvious, but this step is often forgotten. Asking your freshman about their concerns, worries, or frustrations about living at home again is a wise move on your part. Getting these issues out in the open before they return home can you help establish open and honest communication before the start of this summer break.
Your freshman will likely not say these things to you. They probably haven’t even identified these 5 things as the source of their increased levels of anxiety and stress. Knowing your freshman’s struggles can help you know how to support them in this time, and they really need your support right now.
